Let's Be Predictable.

...otherwise known as MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.

I never do these, really. I am the queen of making well meaning lists chock full of ambition, and then I promptly forget that I actually wrote it all out. So this year, I'm making a dream board and mounting it on the wall.

I've been having some talks with myself, and I've reached a few conclusions in regards to my life. Most of it includes not settling. A lot of people spend their whole lives constructing an existence they're unhappy with out of fear or they sell themselves short because they don't know their worth. Call me delusional, but when I was younger, I used to play house and I was the successful playwright. I would read articles on young, take-charge actresses and I imagined what my own interview would be like; how I would carefully describe my road to fame, the nuances of my art, my inspirations. Being wildly successful was never a question.

When I became an adult, the fog of doubt seeped in under my door, through the cracks in my windows, in the pockets of people who I thought had my best interests in mind. I began to question myself, my abilities. Where did this come from? What lies did I start believing? When did I start thinking that my dreams were too large, too wide around for me to hold?

So my new years resolution is to...[drum roll, please]

BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

simple, right?

Whatever your new years resolution is, I encourage you to invest in yourself. Be your own best advocate. Surround yourself with people who are uplifting, drop the ones who try to poke holes in your dreams.

Blessings to you, wherever you are...may your 2009 be prosperous and an upgrade from 2008 :)

...and don't drink too much champange.

Real Life is better than Fiction.

The moment after a complete strangers pulls your life story from thin air is never how you imagine it. There's no bright lights, no sudden epiphanies, no auspicious apparitions. Just awkward silence, and you, nodding in affirmation. Besides, what they tell you is never anything new. It's all shit you already know. Like how you spent 3 1/2 years studying a field you have no intention actually working in.

"There's a girl...a past roommate? Who doesn't like you very much? She's jealous of you..."

Or how a friend of yours secretly hates your guts (not that you really knew that beforehand, but little surprises you these days). This is just confirmation that girls are, largely, two-faced. I have found that my ovaries have given me no insight into the strange, strange world of female politics. A world that honestly, I'd prefer to keep at arms length. But I digress.

Perhaps the most annoying bit about the moment after is their look of "knowing", as if to say "It'll be ok".

"WHAT will be ok???" you want to scream. "How the hell do YOU know?!"
How dare they tell you things of little importance, don't they know there are greater questions you have? For one, am I really as crazy as I think I am? Am I being melodramatic? How do I stop feeling? How do I START to feel again? Do phases really last this long? When will it be over?

But you don't want to turn it into a question-answer $20-a-minute-plus-tarot-reading session. I get this same feeling around celebrities that I actually really like. No matter how badly I want an autograph, or just to say, "Hey, I really really love your performance in that one movie", I keep my mouth shut, and stay occupied with whatever it was I was doing.

So I just smiled and kept playing with the baby, all my questions quickly smothered beneath my feigned indifference.
Be still, my overactive heart.

TV LAND

Random: I've been watching (on and off) a David Bowie documentary on VH1 Classic, and he just started singing a song with a repetitive refrain that sounds like "sucking your titty". I'm hoping I heard wrong.

As for WHY I suddenly have VH1 Classic (joy to the world), our house recently got wired for FiOS. This means:

1) free long distance on the house phone (don't even ask why we JUST got this)

2) super fantastically fast internet and

3) a million and one channels, 15 of them HD. Now mind you, a chunk of them are going away in 90 days (introductory "let's-see-if-you'll-forget-and-not-
notice-the-extra-$50-on-the-bill scheme), but surprisingly basic cable includes a lot of channels we've never had before. Such as 3 different MTV channels (that ACTUALLY play videos), Style Network, and unedited/undubbed news from 6 different countries (because yes, I like watching French news IN French). I don't watch tv a lot, but believe me, I'll be enjoying the 4 HBO and 3 Stars channels while they last.

I guess I'm telling you all of this to say, if i suddenly drop off the face of the earth, it's because I'm watching rock videos from the 90's. What can I say, I love flannel.

4 year dread head.

i know a handful of cats like this, lol. too funny.

tofurkey + cranberry sauce.

clearly i'm supposed to be in the kitchen cutting up onions or something (and the way my moms is, there's much more than that involved)
but!
i wanted to take a moment and wish you kids a happy thanksgiving, even if you don't really celebrate it. have a meal with family, serve takeout chinese food, whatever. spend time with people you care about, tell them how much you love + appreciate them, get mushy. your family (blood or otherwise) is a gift, treasure them.

i'm off to spend some quality time with a pot of greens, see you on the flip side of my food coma.

maybe i'm overthinking this buuuut....

does anyone else see something..wrong with this commercial?

and so anxiety creeps in.

it's so lovely to be home. a fridge full of food (and not a ramen pack in sight!), a new tv with cable, wireless internet and a BED. i spent last evening with my love, and slept til early this afternoon. my body is still requesting bed rest, and i shall happily oblige :)

however, despite me being fully justified in sleeping this week away, i was up today hammering away on the computer, searching for local paid internships in advertising & communications. i feel guilty for sitting too long, something that perhaps my mom has a hand in rubbing off on me. i'm debating whether this is a good thing or not, but in the meantime i'm twiddling my thumbs, ready to attack my next project. the one emblazoned with "LIFE" in big, red letters.

i'm nervous. the market sucks, there's no need to rehash that. but the very root of my soul refuses to let that be a hindrance to me living and creating the life that i desire. i'm going to have to hustle harder than i can imagine, but that's life. it's meant to be lived.

zombie time.

you haven't had a project until you get one that requires you to sell this thing.
oh man. let me go home now please.

MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK.

...a sentence i never thought i'd EVER say.
words cannot express. if you think it's just about an election, you have no idea.
no idea.

#2

She studied the end of her cigarette, ghost lines drawn in the space around her hooded head.

"Every weekend, I party and drink and life is great, i mean...i've met awesome people but..."

She took another drag.

"What's the point? I mean, I'm not suicidal or anything, but what's the point if this is all there is?"

I jiggled my leg, trying to generate some sort of body head against the wet 40 degree evening. I looked down at the sidewalk, a thin covering of mist a blanket on everything in its path. Everyone had gone back inside the gallery, and I silently berated myself for not wearing more layers.

She continued, words poised on the edge of a massive existentialist abyss. I remembered what it was like at the bottom of that pit, and suddenly my wise words escaped me, all sounds of encouragement at once empty and heavy with insufficiency.

"Life is beautiful, right? That's what they say, anyway."

My eyes scanned the empty road.

"You're looking for your purpose, right? YOUR point?"

She flicked the filter into the street, and quickly hid her hand in her pocket.

"I guess. I guess I can't figure out the difference between being alive or dead."

#1.

i've knelt at the fountain of passion
for hours
lips grazing the surface so long
oil slicks have formed.
i awake
staring at ants
bemoaning a disappointingly weak hangover.

what of my inquiring knees
flattened kneecaps
waiting for an answer
sadness is needy
and my frustration feeds it
dripping spoonfuls of unrequited purpose.
there are no instructions
to an unknown location
at every bend i ask
hoping for a clue
or sense of direction.

--a.w.

by the way...

i have another blog.
it's kinda cool, check it out.

no worries, i'm still blogging here...just not every day.

save gas.

this is the coolest bike i've come across in a while. Meet the Brompton.


peculiar looking, but this


folds into this


which fits into a freaking bag
.

my friend has one, and i do admit, the weird proportion thing throws you off a bit. but it's SO much fun...and super convenient. just nicely designed all around.

EPIHIPHANY.

there's nothing like suddenly being informed that the pair of flats you swiped from your mum
the ones you've been walking on the backs of and kinda scuffing up
are these



and the reason why your friend bugged her eyes out when she realized that that YES, they were indeed authentic tori burch
was because they cost a flipping $195.00

WHAT. for some flats??
i'm still all who the hell is tori burch, but that's a grip. FOR SOME FLATS.

tis all.

but really?

i think the moment i decide to sit down and do work
a signal is sent out to the entirety of my phone book
because that's the moment everyone starts texting me
and calling me
and knocking on my door.
and then i end up posting a blog about how i'm so distracted.

i need to turn off my phone and start doing work in a dark corner of the library.

e-popular.

the secret formula for insta-e-celebrity, by julia allison.

oddly enough, social networking has bred a new monster: personality based marketing & branding. makes sense...a person is essentially a brand after all, right?

starbucks + oatmeal?

this is either brilliant, or ridiculously flawed.
i'm on the fence.
it's an area that hasn't been explored yet, so i'd say it could produce some substantial buzz. personally, i wouldn't mind getting a cup of oats with my mocha. but that's me.

bizarro world.

this is not an angry post.




perception frames reality
and people are in their own little world.
we forgot about the ugly underbelly because everyone is smiling and giving out hugs
this is just in case you forgot.
all i have to say is you can resist all you'd like, but times are changing.
get with it or get left.
progress is love, respectfully disagree on politics if you'd like. but there's no room for this.


I see no changes all I see is racist faces
misplaced hate makes disgrace to races
We under I wonder what it takes to make this
one better place, let's erase the wasted
Take the evil out the people they'll be acting right
'cause both black and white is smokin' crack tonight
and only time we chill is when we kill each other
it takes skill to be real, time to heal each other
And although it seems heaven sent
We ain't ready, to see a black President, uhh
It ain't a secret don't conceal the fact
the penitentiary's packed, and it's filled with blacks
But some things will never change
try to show another way but you stayin' in the dope game
Now tell me what's a mother to do
bein' real don't appeal to the brother in you
You gotta operate the easy way
"I made a G today" But you made it in a sleazy way
sellin' crack to the kid. " I gotta get paid,"
Well hey, well that's the way it is.
--Tupac, Changes

mellow yellow.

LINK

free music, get in while it's hot. usually i'm not a fan of the rapper-turned-singer thing, but this is pure gold. phonte could sing to me all day.

I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M DEAD.

the quarter has barely started, and i've been up til daybreak every night.
i can't even imagine what finals are going to be like.
forget finals, i can't imagine what the JOB market is going to be like in 4 months.

but lets be positive, shall we?
(although it's kind of unnerving when shit like this and this are happening.

next time you're on facebook, think twice before you click 'add'...funny bit on the correlation between number of facebook friends and likelihood of narcissism. definitely gets the O, RLY.

random.

i love vids like this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

i'm 23 :)

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."

--Anais Nin

spam moments.

subject line:

[[!! SPAM] Oh my god, with this I thought I must be having relations with King Kong]


....

and this is supposed to make me open my email because...?

in other news, i've been up all night trying to decide between



and





it should be an obvious choice, right?
i think i'm just attached to my typepad.

STORY TIME.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!
[that was for someone, i'm sure.]
it's amazing what being confident can do for your perceived credibility. really.
it's all about perception.
fake it til you make it? same principle.

my professor shared a story about a senior field trip to cartoon network last year in class today. it pretty much boiled down to the interviewers not being type anal about what's in your book, because that can be worked on. rather, it's about 1) your confidence, 2) your ability to admit when you don't know something and 3) whether you can sell the hell out of yourself.

story number two is about a junior photography major from my school who randomly knocked on the studio door of a particularly well known and respected photographer and said "I WANT TO BE YOUR ASSISTANT". david asks, "Why should I hire you?" and the kid says "I will work for you all summer 24/7, for no pay". he was hired on the spot.
[now i know some of you will turn up your noses at the "no pay" factor, but PLEASE feel free to show me a paid internship that looks better than being david lachapelle's assistant on a resume. please.]

the moral of today's lesson is swallow the fear and be ballsy. it gets you pretty much anywhere.

one of those random photo posts.

ugh.

i'm still not quite sure HOW i managed to catch this monstrous head cold
but i'm sure there is homeopathic relief beyond nyquil.
feel free to suggest something...anything...
i'm up to the brim in orange juice + ginger root.

for my atlanta kids.

a good friend of mine [and ridiculously awesome artist] is doing live art that night.
come through.

here and there.

i've been moving. i'll be back once things settle down.

the best movie you haven't heard about.

forget disaster movie (seriously, the title is practically GIVING it away).


SEE THIS.
four 1/2 stars.
go watch it.
now.

homeless in atlanta.

for the first time (in a long time), i've had to become seriously concerned about affording school. now that it's taken care of (so far), there is nothing left for dormitory housing.
for about two seconds, i was being a bit woe is me
im-going-to-have-to-couch-hop-
and-eat-soup-for-three-months.

but you know what?
i'm learning to come to terms with the fact
that you can't plan everything.

today's lesson is: Roll With the Punches.
SO i don't have a place to call my own. i have gracious friends who are willing to let me sleep on their futons.
SO i don't have money for my ridiculously expensive eating habits. i have a couple of dollars for top ramen and an apple or two so i don't starve.
SO i have to live out of my suitcase for three months. i have money to finish college and graduate.

and for the elusive silver lining...a bit of hardship builds character, right? temporarily losing a little cushion makes clear the lessons that the experience can teach you, and in all of this, i remain abundantly fortunate and blessed.

i guess i share this to say that when something goes wrong, look for what still is right, and hold to that. life is a ride...shit falls off the truck sometimes. keep going.

a letter to a nice lady.

DEAREST HANNAH,

THANKS FOR FLOODING WORK TODAY.
HUGE TIPS ARE NOTHING COMPARED TO
THE INTOXICATING SCENT OF WET DOG
AND HOURS OF VACUUMING WATER.

LOVE,
ALICE.

poli-tricks.

I PROMISED MYSELF I WASN'T GOING TO TALK ABOUT THIS.


but SERIOUSLY?!
now, before someone talks out the side of their neck and calls me biased, i'll be nice and save the foot from your mouth.

i'm an independent, and not terribly enthusiastic about anyone running this year.
however, you quickly lose my respect if all you do in your acceptance speech is deliver sarcastic one-liners. in fact, all it does is convince me that you're incompetent and are using your (frankly, irrelevant) skill of comedic timing to cover up the fact that you had NOTHING significant to say about your readiness to be the future president's second hand. and no, selling the governor's plane on e-bay does not merit an addition to your VP list of qualifications. in case your PR kids didn't thoroughly prep you, belittling the opponents (EARLY) history of community organization is antithetical to your desire to relate to the average person trying to make a difference. you forget, Martin Luther King and Susan B. Anthony were community organizers. the Civil Rights Movement was BUILT and maintained by community organizers. it's also misleading to imply that this is the entirety of Obama's history, but i guess she doesn't have to worry about that, since people don't do their own research.

it's necessary for our candidates to facilitate a coherent and meaningful debate, based not only on experience, but their intention for forward movement and reasonable and realistic plans for implementation of said movement. the more people get caught up in rhetoric and fancy-sounding jargon, the less that's going to get done.

STEP IT UP.

yes, i'm watching tv again.

they were playing the entirety of season one back to back last month
and of course i sat and watched the ENTIRE thing.
i am in love with this show...and i promise it's not because it's about an advertising agency. it might, however, have something to do with the fashion.

it comes on sunday nights @ 10PM EST, and if you don't have cable
[or if you have a really early bedtime]
you can watch it all here.

beach talk.

so I was @ OBX this weekend
got sand in everything imaginable
spent quality time with the loves of my life and
saw two or three jellyfish...further reinforcing my reasons for NOT swimming.
[i guess it helps that i haven't owned a bathing suit in y e a r s.]
yes, where are the pictures. i'll post them up later, once i find my camera cable.

in the meantime...

quit asking.

things i get asked (almost) daily:

1. are you ethiopian/eritrean?
2. where'd you get your ankh ring? (although, usually it's the "what's THAT" question)
3. can i touch your hair?
4. do you have a light?

to all of which get a no, somewhere (and the less extended history lesson), HELL NO and yes.
because i ALWAYS have a light.


this is an amazing talk..totally worth the twenty or so minutes. trust me.

.016

will be in NYC juuust in time.
if you're around, def check this out.
[click to blow it up]



youngandbanging.com

.015

because i have a wildly inappropriate love affair with food
[and at the risk of sounding like a complete fat ass]
i thought i'd hip you to some of my favorite food blogs on the internets.

let's start, shall we?




FIRST UP is Smitten Kitchen, an adorable husband/wife duo who cook up dishes and share the recipes, to the delight of their adoring readership. i don't know if i need to say much about this one, the amazing food shots really speak for themselves. i've never drooled so much on my keyboard. great treat for bakers, cooks and food photographer enthusiasts alike.





NEXT, oishii eats!
between her blogs documenting tasty travels to Thailand, and local LA eats [her now husband is a chef, surprise surprise], i have a rolodex of places i'll make SURE to eat at and what dishes to order, once i do my own year-long gustation tour. because you know...people do those things. loads of recipes cooked up in her own kitchen, wine pairings and more. another treasure trove of fantastic photography...i'm sure you can sense a pattern here.




and LASTLY, eat, drink + be vegan, because you no animal by-product kids need love too. i won't lie, becoming a vegan is THE furthest thing from my mind right now, but these recipes looks kinda tasty. i'm sure i can integrate them into my sometimey pescetarian diet.

.014

hand me my late pass because i'm sure i'm the last to figure out that feist is flipping brilliant. i was kinda feeling her "1234" single [admittedly, not my favorite] and didn't really take it seriously til my friend burned me a copy. such a fantastic, smoky voice. listened to her the whole time i was on the road this week.

my favorite song on the cd...vid is sweet, too.

and since we're on the music tip...here's a vid of j*davey at this years Black Lily Festival:



i'm feeling particularly nice today, here's a download for their single off Land of the Lost EPisode, Mr Mister.

013.

i just read something here that shifted my brain:
(i hope she doesn't mind me linking)

there have been a million hints lately to how non self aware i am.
i'm in serious fisticuffs with a self-defeating ego, which has been aptly renamed my haywire self defense mechanism.

time for some drastic changes.

012.

to turn the other cheek, that is to remain silent in the face of injustice or mistreatment, has to be weighed very carefully. it is one thing to use passive resistance as a political tool as ghandi taught masses of people to do, but it is quite another matter when women are encouraged or forced to be silent in order to survive an impossible situation of corrupt or unjust power in the family, community, or world. then women are amputated from the wild nature and their silence is not serenity but an enormous defense against being harmed. it is a mistake to think that just because a woman is silent, it always means she approves of life as is.

there are times when it becomes imperative to release a rage that shakes the skies. there is a time- even though these times are very rare, there is definitely a time- to let loose all the fire power one has. it has to be in response to a serious offense; the offense has to be big and against the soul or spirit. all other reasonable avenues have to be attempted first. if these fail, then we have to choose the right time. there is definitely a right time for full-bore rage. and it is right, right as rain.

-clarissa pinkola estes

011.

'scuse my absence.
i've been off daydreaming.

"it's not enough to have lived. we should be determined to live for something. may i suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely." -- leo buscaglia


what is it that you're here for?
i think the obsessive planner in me is regarding my life's timeline with a sense of trepidation, trying to carefully plan each move, each decision, with the acute knowledge that the scenery is rapidly passing me by, and the FULL knowledge that my planning means shit in the long run. maybe this explains why i feel paralyzed.

graduation is supposed to be a time to celebrate the fact that i didn't jump out the window of a really tall building and actually went to class, but i'm terrified.
some days i feel like i'm the only one who doesn't know what the F*CK i'm doing with my life. i'm convinced that once i get started (doing whatever it is that i'm supposed to do), that everything will be suave, but it's a matter of pinning down that elusive PURPOSE thing. in the meantime, every day feels like i'm going through the motions, and it's frustrating. i know it will fall into place eventually. i'm just having an emo moment here.

010.

i'm back, kiddos.

had to take a break from the computer screen, my eyeballs were melting from finals.
now that the summer has started, i hope to get a lot more work done, between freelancing and baking massive orders of cupcakes.
i'm about to start a huge project involving food photography and a cooking show...details will come eventually. stay tuned.

onwards!
todays video is from a favorite artist of mine, saul williams.
i'm not a huge fan of covers, because artists usually try to redo the original and end up butchering it (hello, whitney houston wanabe's). this one i actually like.




and since we're on the subject of covers, here's another from muhsinah, for my radiohead fans:
(i'll try to upload the mp3 later, the vid quality is iffy)

009.

this post is dedicated to EARL GREY TEA
the SOLE reason why, after 26 hours of intimate relations with adobe illustrator
i am still mildly conscious while writing this.
you should have heard the conversation i tried to have last night.
vocabulary of a 5 year old.

six ways to kill your boredom today:

ONE
make your own screen for t-shirts and stop paying ridiculous amounts of money for simple ass designs...and yes, i'm talking to you.


TWO
Tread david byrne's survival guide to actually making a living off your music.
[i'm still a staunch believer in the owning-your-own-label notion]


THREE
school yourself on up-and-coming contemporary african [you know..."black"] artists before you get schooled by someone else.


FOUR
peek into the sketchbooks of some amazing artists. seriously. you have to see this.


FIVE
re-read the sixteenth amendment and begin to wonder why on earth you still pay taxes.


and SIX
watch an online animation on the cycle of manufacturing, consumption and disposal and start questioning your habits.

(NOTE: just noticed the screen link was wrong...fixed it.)

008.

i needed to hear this today.
i'm sure one of you needs to as well.

007.

Today was MOST unproductive.

in summary:

+ sleepily stumbled out of my body cushion at 1-ish
+ walked to the bank
+ did my part to contribute to small business by buying a mango smoothie
+ surfed for hours and found this
+ spent another hour tinkering around with RSS feeds
+ walked to mellow mushroom and bought some dinner
+ did homework for an hour

and now i'm 'watching' the playoffs.
man. seeing my day listed out like this makes it even worse.

seriously, check out that flock browser. it has singlehandedly resolved my little issue i have with obsessively checking facebook and gmail every 5 minutes. not to mention that new tabs are opened next to the current window (which current firefox users may find annoying like i do). quelle idee.

now for one of my favorite jazz songs ever:

006.

DID YOU KNOW

...that the cashew is the seed from a FRUIT?





well now you do...sucka.

005.

i think i've made every pasta dish imaginable (without red sauce...and veggies)
and needless to say
I'M TIRED OF PASTA.
looking at this site doesn't help any. i think i'm going to go vegan. [then again, maybe i should go vegetarian first?]

say hi to my mother from a past life:



legend...nuff said.
maybe you can manage to watch it all before i do.

interesting bit on Cooperatives...I'm particularly interested in how this applies to businesses. The graduation scramble is near, so this is definitely something to chew on.

last link of the day goes to lifehack.
I've been frantically printing out articles for the past two weeks, in an effort to get my LIFE together [read: nonexistent time management skills]. It's amazing what fear of moving back to your parents house will do. So far so good.

004.

one more week of school.
i'm so unfocused right now.



loving this girl right now:







Naija represent.

003.

Once again, I have battled with sir-spend-a-lot and this time, i actually managed not to go out and waste an obscene amount of money on a meal. (aside: can we discuss the english language, please? "once again" shouldn't even WORK in a sentence. but i digress.)

i'm not sure if this was sheer will power, or my inability to find enablers.
i'm leaning towards the latter.
i have boxes of pasta waiting to be devoured...waste not, want not, right?
damn my predilection for sushi and avocado sandwiches.


TAKE IT BACK:



easily one of my fav digable jawns.
and ishmael! not the gold bottoms, love.
(oh, he goes by cherrywine now----> cherrywine.net)
this makes me think of when i stayed in new jeru... simpler times. (but isn't that what they all say?)

002.

i'm all for spring, don't get me wrong.
but this is the first spring that i had to actually take something.
i think georgia hates me.







i'm trying to get rid of my man voice...it's not working too well.
remember when you used to eat cough drops like candy when you were a kid?
am i the only one who did that?
...
moving on.







in the face of a 6 piece campaign due tomorrow @ 8am, i continue to occupy myself with unimportant things (case in point).
some people do cocaine, others cliff jump.
i procrastinate.

FIRST.

part of a series on identity that i'm still working on...i'll post more later.